Lonliness

The only time I could run today was at 4:00 a.m. I needed to try a long run and this was on the only block of 2.5 hours that I had.

7:00 - Amber leaves for work
9:00 - Soccer for Benjamin
12:15 - Benjamin goes to birthday party and David takes nap
12:16 - Craig prepares for a wedding
2:15 - Craig wakes David up
2:30 - Craig and David meet Amber at the church
3:00 - Craig does wedding
4:15 - Craig visits a new baby and family at the hospital
6:00 - Dinner and family time

The first lap at Zorinsky (7.35 miles) was easy running (mostly 7:15 to 7:30). I did just over 5 miles on F Street and continued with the easy running. The last lap at Zorinsky (7.35 miles) was 49:36 (6:44 per mile). 20 miles total.

My hip flexor got really tight the last two miles. I had trouble walking up the two steps in our garage when I got home. I don't know what to do. If I don't run, I wouldn't be in any kind of shape to run the marathon and if I do run my injuries don't get any better.

Regardless, here is the lesson from this morning's run:

I saw three people and one car during the entire run. The first 80 minutes I was all by myself. There were some rabbits. A few deer. The stars, the moon, a siren coming from Center Street. I was alone, but not lonely. Loneliness has nothing to do with being in the presence of others. Loneliness is a status of the heart.

Buechner writes: That you can be lonely in a crowd, maybe especially there, is readily observable. You can also be lonely with your oldest friends, or your family, even with the person you love the most in the world. To the lonely it is to be aware of an emptiness which it takes more than people to fill. It is to sense that something is missing that you cannot name.

"By the waters of Babylon, there we sat down and wept, when we remembered Zion," sings the Psalmist (137:1). Maybe in the end it is Zion that we're lonely for, the place we know best by longing for it, where at last we become who we are, where finally we find home.

As I ran in the dark through the woods and by the water's edge, I wasn't alone. As my hip flexors gradually started tightening up and the effort got a little tougher, I was perfectly content with who I am, who others are, and who God is. I was alone, but not lonely.