- Take a banana (or any other object that won't bounce, roll, or break). Drop it on the floor. If you can't pick it up without bending your knees, put on a shirt.
- If you have a tattoo containing any of the Federal Communication Commission's seven dirty words, put on a shirt.
- If you have more chest hair than your neighbor's dog, put on a shirt.
- If you have more hair on your back than you do on your head, put on a shirt.
- If you have any piercings between your waist and neck, put on a shirt.
- If you are sunburned, put on a shirt.
- If you are wearing tube socks and a spandex shorts, please put on a shirt.
- If you have voted for Truman or Dewey (or even know somebody who did), put on a shirt.
- If your mother, wife, or daughter (and especially all three together) can't reach around you for a hug, put on a shirt.
- If your family or neighbors have cut out this list for you, put on a shirt.
If you now feel compelled to buy a shirt, they make them with technical fabric that helps keep you dry and cool. I suggest the following companies:
Today's run: An easy seven mile run, about 7:10 per mile, around the the west lake and the F Street hills between Zorinsky and 192nd Street.
9 comments:
Laughed so hard I hurt!
Hilarious!!
Jim R.
Hmmm...a pastor who is judgmental of other people...what a surprise...
Anonymous...it was meant to be humorous. I'm on the list a number of times. Sorry you didn't find it that way.
Well, it wasn't humorous. As you have probably said, "What would Jesus do?"
I don't buy the self-effacing bit, either. I'd have more respect for you if you admitted to being judgmental rather than put the ol' spin in there.
This type of attitude and self-absorption is why people get turned off to religion. You're not holier-than-thou. You're a human like the rest of us, regardless of how many mindless twits kiss your ass on a Sunday.
Craig,
I thought it was very funny. Your gentle reply to anonymous is one of the reasons I admire you. Glad you are blogging again! I always enjoy your writings.
Sarah
Craig -
Funny stuff! I hate to admit I have been (and am) on that list a few times myself.
Those who do not find it funny clearly do not know you, nor your intent. It is too bad that they would rather sling insults at you than respectfully express their disagreement.
Well, you know what they say...You can't please all of the people all of the time. But, for what it's worth...it pleased ME. :)
Keep On Keepin' On, Brother!
Nick
Hey Craig -
I totally agree with Nick. I laughed so hard at the last one. I always tell Jeff he needs to put a shirt on. I think I'll print this out and hang it on the fridge. Good message yesterday.
Jill
Jill, Nick, and Sarah...
Thanks for your words. I'm glad you found it enjoyable.
Anonymous...
I don't think that characterizing people in the church as "mindless twits who kiss my ..." is a helpful comment. They are bright people who ask great questions. They are leaders in the community. I think we simply want to experience God and make the world a little better place.
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