Control Issues

Last Sunday morning I had a headache. When I get them, usually a couple Advil takes the pain away. Last Sunday morning was an exception. I was having some investigative work done on my colon the next morning and wasn’t allowed to take Advil. So I drove downtown to pray with our runners who were doing the 10K, half-marathon, and marathon. Trying to find a parking spot, the headache got worse. When I got home the computer we use to project words and images on the screen during worship didn’t boot up. The headache got worse. In about 15 years of doing this, I don’t ever recall preaching with a headache. Now I can say I have. 

I’ll skip the details between noon on Sunday and nine o’clock on Monday morning. The headache was still present. I hadn’t eaten for thirty-six hours. For the first time in my life I was getting an IV. The nurse pushed my bed into the surgical room. I was going to be put to sleep for the first time in my life.

I’m not a control freak. Quite the opposite. I am probably a little too hands off as a church leader and I may give my kids too much freedom. Hopefully I’m somewhere in the middle between micromanaging and chaos. 

But on Monday morning I was dealing with some control issues. The anesthesiologist was very professional. He was even funny. I told him it was my first time going under. He replied I was his first patient, so we would be a good team. The surgeon was competent and compassionate. He noted I was the youngest patient he had seen in a while. By this time I was becoming sedated: I think I told him I didn’t know if that said more about me or him. Either that or I told him I was being chased by a giant, talking coconut. I remember them talking about my low resting pulse and being a funny guy for a pastor. Or maybe that was a dream. 

The next thing I remember is waking up with the IV out wondering why they hadn’t started yet. The nurse explained I was done. I replied “What do you mean, done? Am I going to die?” She responded, “Eventually you will, but most likely not in the near future. We are finished. Everything went well.” 

A while later, I left to go home. A queasy stomach. An empty stomach. A chauffeur. Having as much or as little control as I want. As I was dreaming about onion rings and key lime pie, it hit me, I realized I’m not really in control of much of anything except the thing that matters most. I don’t control things like the driver on the other side of the road, the stock market, or my kids when they are at school. But I can influence my relationship with God. It’s not much, but just as well, because in the present and in the end, it’s what matters. I’m not going to be a casual fan. I’m going to strive to be a fully committed follower. 

The best is yet to come… 

Craig