What forgiveness is not
1. Forgiveness is NOT Forgetting
It’s kind of like this: You have done something unspeakable to me. By all rights I should call it quits between us. My pride and my principles demand no less. I probably can’t forgot what has been done and will most likely carry scars for life, but I refuse to let the past stand between us and still want you as a friend.
2. Forgiveness is NOT an Act of Weakness
The weak have a tough time forgiving. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
3. Forgiveness is NOT Permission to Continue Self-Destructive Behavior
That is called enabling. Quite a bit different than forgiveness.
4. Forgiveness is NOT Conditional
Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. That would be call for-earn-ness and not for-give-ness.
5. Forgiveness is NOT necessarily a fully restored relationship
Sometimes it’s best and sometimes it’s only possible to forgive from a distance. Sometimes forgiveness says I’m going to try to be your friend again and sometimes forgiveness has to say goodbye.
6. Forgiveness is NOT usually a single event.
Forgiveness is usually a process. It is usually not a switch. It is usually a journey. It takes time. The deeper the offense; the longer the journey.
7. Forgiveness is NOT primarily for the other party.
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and the prisoner is usually you. We can either forgive or relive.
Types of hurt
1. Unintentional – misunderstanding - busyness
2. Intentional – betrayal
What I pray is for us to learn, embrace, and practice the biblical model of forgiveness so that we can deal with others the way God deals with us.
What is impossible by humans is possible with God. If there is unforgiveness exists in our lives – that God – through the power of the Holy Spirit will work in our lives to make the impossible happen and we can forgive those who have hurt us.
Why forgive?
1. Unforgiveness continues to hurt the person who was hurt. In other words…unforgiveness hurts us.
Revenge, anger, getting even -- they all seem like a good idea at the time. Until we realize the pain directed at the person who hurt us is like a boomerang: the animosity and hostility returns to us and smacks us on the head. Unless you like being bitter and resentful...try forgiveness. It's God gift to you.
Hebrews 12:15 (NIV)
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
Unforgiveness is a bitter root.
We live with a bitter root.
We may or even may not be aware of the presence of the bitter root.
And the bitter root defiles. It causes trouble. It contaminates.
Love keeps no record of wrongs.
Bitterness keeps detailed records of wrongs.
Unforgiveness is a cancer to the soul.
It eats away at us.
It hurts our relationship with others.
It hurts our relationship with God.
It prevents us from becoming the self that God wants us to become.
Unforgiveness is like squeezing broken glass. It hurts us.
Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping it kills the other person. -Anne LaMott
2. Because I’ll need forgiveness again.
Matthew 6:14-15
If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 18:32-35
Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.
God’s grace and forgiveness is not conditional on our forgiveness of others. God is talking about something a little different.
The pride that prevents us from forgiving others is a twin sibling to the pride keeps us from accepting God’s forgiveness. And may God help us do something about it.
The forgiving becomes the forgiven
The forgiving doesn’t let hurts from the past to destroy the future.
How in the heck do I do this? I don’t know how.
1. Pray for those who hurt you.
Pray the way Jesus prayed when creation turned on the creator. As Jesus was dying on the cross – as people were hurting and humiliating him – he prayed: “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”
Jesus taught clearly in Matthew 5:43-45
You have heard the law that says, "Love your neighbor" and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven.
Some of you are thinking I don’t want to pray for this person. I don’t feel like it.
We all need to understand this:
Right action leads to trigger right feelings.
Right actions to come first.
If you wait for the desire…you will be waiting for a long time.
But, if we start praying, right feelings will follow right actions.
My prayers for others may or may not change other people…but my prayers for others always, without exception, change me and my reaction to the other person.
Start small
Know it may be painful
2. Then forgive as you have been forgiven.
We forgive the same way God has forgiven us.
Completely
Constantly
Colossians 3:13
Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
Forgive as you have been forgiven.
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